Epiphany: Only Love

“The whole reason we are here is to love.

The struggle is optional.

There is no need to hate, or deceive, or have our way,
or be right, or to pontificate.

All we need to do is love.”

~Amy Sandberg

 

 

My partner and I had spent two days arguing. It was the same tired argument about the same tired topic:

“Why do his adult children treat me so poorly; Why do they at times treat him so poorly, for that matter?”

We’d argued ourselves to the brink of exhaustion. It was 2am. I stood there next to our bed and could see my body leaving through the door. I could also see my body answering his plea to “please come back to bed.” Finally, I capitulated and crawled back under the covers.

He held me in his arms even though I didn’t deserve to be held after all the angry words I’d spoken.But he held me anyway, and I began to sense the real source of my pain, and began to cry.  “My life has no value,” I sobbed. And his reply, that I also didn’t deserve? “Your love has value to me.”

This assurance triggered synaptic fireworks. My yoga instructor, Jeanette, had recently suggested I a list make of what makes my heart sing. “Loving” was at the top of my list. I remembered joking at the time, “I don’t think I can make much money at that!”

My partner continued to hold me, and stroke me. “Just let go,” he said soothingly. But I continued to heave as my mind danced and swerved around rapid-fire thoughts and memories, coming at me like meteors. Then, one of those meteors was closing in on me like a white orb spinning and shining as if it encased something radioactive. As it approached my heart, the orb broke open and filled my entire body with a bright light. I tried describing this to my partner as it occurred. He held me a little tighter, as if to protect me from my own thoughts and experience.  The light, the answer, was this:

“The whole reason you are here is to love. Your struggle is optional.”  

With this, my breathing slowed. Love is the answer…? …Love is the answer!

“Duh?” you say? Yes, well I would have said “duh” too before all this took place. Like the Hallmark card, The Beatles, and the Bible’s Corinthians have instructed us: “All you need is love.” Duh. But while I’d given lip service to “Love is the answer” my whole life, I’d never internalized the message. I’d never understood the value of loving, or the fact that it sources everything else.

As I calmed down, I thought to myself, “Maybe I should add honesty to the mix, along with love.”And then I thought, “No. If I only love, honesty will take care of itself.”
Then came the thought, “I should add letting go, or non-attachment as Buddha would say.” Then, “No. If I only love, letting go will take care of itself.”

Like never before, I understood that love is primary, everything else secondary.

If I “only love” — if that is what I truly do, and who I truly am — then everything else will take care of itself.

I don’t need to struggle.
I don’t need to hate, or deceive, or have my way, or be right, or pontificate.
All I need to do is love.

~Amy Sandberg
Solana Beach, CA

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