“How to Get Honest About What You Truly Want”: Epiphany Exercise

Last week, in the online course I am teaching for en*theos Academy, one of the exercises I talk about is the value of thinking about and writing out your greatest epiphanies. And if you think you haven’t had one, you just pick a moment you’ve had of any revelation or realization and when you really think about it and are writing things down, other moments come to you and you’ll discover a lot more than you think. You’ll probably end up uncovering a buried epiphany or two. This happened to me when I was writing about the evolution of the Epiphany Project. I wrote about it in one of my earliest blogs ever.

My earlier epiphany came from a wonderful exercise that will serve anyone who feels stuck in life or can’t make a decision OR who has suddenly lost a job or has been thrust in a situation unexpectedly where you don’t know what to do next. This exercise really helps you get clear about what you truly want in life. I’ve excerpted my blog called Epiphany and The City below

As I was writing my book proposal and was working on the part about my background and how the Epiphany project came into being, I had a realization about my epiphany (an epiphany about an epiphany!…happens all the time, I’ve discovered…).  I realized that, actually, I’d my first major life epiphany while living in New York in my early 20′s — an epiphany that put me on a completely new direction and life path.  (This is not the epiphany that is in the book or that I talk about as being the catalyst for my starting the Epiphany project.)

I never, ever knew (or admitted) what I wanted to do when I “grew up.” My major in college was Undecided (yes, they actually had that as a major) until they finally forced me to pick a real major second semester my junior year.  I would “accidentally” get into plays and musicals as a kid and took drama all through high school and college even though I opted never to try out for parts or ever take it seriously – probably because I was a big chicken, simply terrified that I wouldn’t get parts.  It was only when I found myself suddenly jobless in New York City after a brief stint at a marketing company right out of college that I finally had to really examine what I wanted to do in life.  New York City has the best of the best of every profession operating there, and I had been interviewing, exploring opportunities and gathering information in every field I had ever been interested in: fashion, publishing, film production, literary and entertainment agencies, public relations, Wall Street, and even politics, and I had also somehow bluffed my way into my first professional acting class, even though I don’t think I even knew what a headshot was at this point.  Of course, I told everyone that it was just for fun anyway.  One day, while confiding in a friend that I was freaking out about all this research I was doing and still didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life and career, he said this to me:

“If anything was possible in the world, there were no obstacles, no fear and nothing at all was impossible – it’s only you and God in the world – what would you do?  Write it down.  That’s really what you want to do. Then, from there, you figure out how to back into it or build up to it with small steps.”

I thought, “uh-huh, whatever”…but later, I went ahead and grudgingly sat there with a pad and pen and thought about that scenario over and over… “no obstacle, anything in the world is possible, no obstacles, anything in the world is possible”…and much to my surprise, eventually I had a revelation!  I slowly put that pen to the paper, took a deep breath and witnessed myself writing “ACT.” And then I slowly circled it. Huge exhale. I felt such relief! And then I slowly wrote under that “BE THE CREATIVE.” And underlined it. It dawned on me that I had been dancing around what I really wanted to do, dancing around with all the businesses surrounding the arts and acting, because I was too scared to admit that what I really wanted to do. What I really wanted to do was be an actorBe the creative.  I didn’t know what I’d really do about it in the moment but man, it felt great to really admit it — even to myself! I was actually a bit in awe that that is really what I wanted to do.

Once that and the excitement that, “Wow, I really do know what I want to do!” sunk in (and trust me, you will know if that’s what you really want, you’ll feel it), the next thing was to figure out steps of how to really go about doing that — how was I going to “build up to it” or “back into it” as my friend had explained. Because no one in my family had ever done anything in the arts professionally, I hadn’t really ever considered it an option for me. I really started taking the whole thing seriously.  I think one of the first things I did was buy BackStage newspaper which is a weekly paper primarily for actors. And I went from there. I started taking acting classes, studied the entertainment business, got headshots, went on random auditions from BackStage, eventually got an agent, got into the union, started booking jobs, etc., and within a year, I was working professionally as an actress.  This path has continued to lead me over the years to other avenues in the entertainment business of producing, directing and now, writing. 

This is probably my first epiphany as an adult.  This happens a lot as I interview people.  While describing what led up to the “greatest epiphany,” many times they discover that another earlier epiphany had occurred to bring them to that point.  Many times, we discovered this together while doing the interview, and sometimes they discovered it while thinking about what their greatest epiphany was and then shared the various epiphanies with me.  

From this exercise, I realized I didn’t want to be the agent or the producer or the marketing person in entertainment. I realized I wanted to be the creative, and since that moment, my life has never been the same. It’s not always been easy and sometimes it’s even painful, but it’s amazing to be on what you feel is your right path. This exercise always keeps me honest. Now that I have interviewed 100′s of people about their greatest epiphanies, I have come to believe that our hearts wouldn’t yearn for something that isn’t what we’re supposed to be doing or that something about it won’t serve us in some way – maybe it’s about just taking some steps to get there that is the purpose, but you’ll never know until you get clear and honest about what it is you truly yearn for.  A wonderful teacher of mine always says… If not now, when?  

If. Not. Now. When. 

“GET HONEST ABOUT WHAT YOU TRULY WANT” EPIPHANY EXERCISE

If it were just you and God in the world (if you believe in God or a Higher Power, of course – otherwise, just say it’s you) and there is no fear, no lack, there are no obstacles, no commitments, no responsibilities or obligations blocking you  – ANYTHING, ANYTHING is possible – nothing is impossible – what would you do?  It can be ANYTHING – backpack through Europe; meet a girl or guy and have a baby and be a househusband or housewife; climb a mountain; become a farmer, an actor, a doctor, a writer, a race car driver – whatever – but what is it, really?  What would you do?  Where would you live?  Who would you be?  Think about or meditate on this question with a pen and a piece of paper in front of you and be open to being absolutely honest with yourself.  It will come to you. And then, Write It Down – it’s only for you, no one else has to ever see it, you might even throw it away later – but write it down.  Write down what is really, truly in your heart when you answer this question.  Whatever it is may surprise you…but when you answer truthfully, it is such a relief.  And then sit with it for a bit, absorb it, and – beginning with what you truly want – start backing into it – start by write down the smaller, attainable steps that will build toward your ultimate goal. Take the steps. Even one baby step every week or month. It doesn’t matter. Just move. Take action. And then watch the world conspire to support you.

Have fun!

 

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Epiphany! How to Cultivate Transforming Life Moments: A 4 Week Course

I’m so excited that in one week, my 4 Week online Epiphany course hosted by the En*theos Academy begins!

It will be happening Tuesdays, May 1, 8, 15, 22 at
 6pm PDT / 8pm CST / 9pm EST

Those of you who get my monthly newsletter will already know this, but for those of you who don’t and because it’s easier for me to just write this and send people here than explain it in separate emails, here is a brief explanation of what we’ll be doing for those 60-75 minutes sessions each week. (If you want to sign up for the newsletter, you can do that over there —> to your RIGHT–>)

We will be discussing and studying the phenomenon of epiphanies and the ways of cultivating them and using them to their fullest potential in our lives. I have been developing some interesting, yet simple exercises with psychologists that I am looking forward to sharing as well other discoveries and exercises such as:

- How successful people utilize their epiphanies as an everyday tool in their lives and how you can too



- How you can discover and heal your blocks to epiphanies and to your inner voice & instincts





- Why it’s important to honor our stories and how to make sure we’re doing it.

- In-depth examination of epiphanies of transformation in the areas of health, finances, grief, forgiveness, career, relationships and love, to name a few. 

- How to develop and cultivate a life FULL of epiphanies and serendipity
 

- If you ever wanted to ask about any of the stories in the book, or had any specific questions about the people or anything about my experience, this is the time to do it! It will be like an in-depth book club for Epiphany too! 

If cash is tight, en*theos offers wonderful pay-what-you-can-plans and full scholarships, so everyone who wants to learn can join us and if you can’t be on the call, you can always download the mp3′s of the classes later whenever is convenient. 

The course is interactive, and I plan for it to be fun, inspiring and informative and would love for you join me.

Please invite whomever you think might be interested too – the more, the merrier!

You can go HERE to read more about it, get an outline and overview of the class, and to register.

 If you have any questions at all, please don’t hesitate to contact me here or at info@epiphanychannel.com.

Thank you and hope to “see” you next week in class!

Ever yours,  Elise

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Earth Day Epiphanies: Nell Newman & Annie Leonard: How Epiphanies Led Them to Help Save Our Planet

In honor of Earth Day, I thought I’d highlight 2 epiphanies from the Callings Section of my book. Annie Leonard and Nell Newman both had epiphanies about the need to conserve and help save our planet which led them to their careers, or as I refer to it, to their callings.

In my book, I define a calling as: a strong inner urge toward a particular way of life or career; a vocation, profession, trade or life’s work.

For me, a calling is more a way of life than just a career or job. It is your life’s work that defines you and means as much to you as much as your personal life does. In fact, many times there isn’t really much separation between your personal life and work life when one is living their calling – personal and work are completely intertwined and are part of the whole of who you are on a daily basis.

Here are excerpts from these 2 remarkable women’s stories that they shared with me. Their epiphanies have led them to do amazing things in their lives to help us all by bringing awareness and money to the efforts of conservation and environmental consciousness and by being examples and teachers of how we can take care of our precious planet.

“Follow your passion. Passion gives you the ability to truly experience the good times and get through the tough times because what you’re working toward is so important to you.” ~ Nell Newman

For me, everything starts with the birds. I was a budding orni- thologist when I was very young. It drove me crazy that I couldn’t fly! I was especially fascinated by birds of prey, ever since some- one gave me an American kestrel or sparrow hawk when I was eight. I would read a tremendous amount, all the time—anything about endangered or vanished species fascinated me. I remember saying to myself, “Gee, the passenger pigeon used to darken the skies for days, and now there aren’t any because we ate them all.” Same story with the Carolina parakeet, the only parakeet native to the United States. Same story with the dodo bird. We ate or shot them all.

By age eleven, I had become a young practicing falconer. That’s when I learned that the peregrine falcon—which is able to dive at 200 miles an hour—was extinct east of the Mississippi and was rapidly disappearing all across the United States due to some weird thing called DDT that we sprayed on food to keep off bugs. I read that DDT was eaten by bugs, then the bugs were eaten by small birds, then the small birds were eaten by pere- grine falcons, and at every step of the way it accumulated in each animal’s fat tissue. Before anybody knew it, falconers on the East Coast couldn’t find any peregrines. They realized that peregrines were rapidly disappearing across the United States because this buildup of DDT was affecting their endocrine systems and their ability to lay a hard-shell egg, so they were breaking their eggs in the nest.

And I had an epiphany! At a very young age, I realized what a tremendous effect mankind has on his environment. We really can change the environment, for the better or for the worse, through our habits and our lifestyles. This deep realization guided the shape and form of my education, and what I do now. It slowly and surely directed me toward getting a degree in human ecology at College of the Atlantic, and then going to work for the Environmental Defense Fund in New York City. I loved working for the EDF but I couldn’t stand living in New York. So I came out to California.

I had a friend who was running the Predatory Bird Research Group at the University of Santa Cruz. He called to say that there was a small nonprofit working out of their office that needed an executive director. So, on a whim, I went to Santa Cruz, interviewed for this position, and became the executive director of the Ventana Wilderness Sanctuary, which was working to reestablish the bald eagle in central California. After about two and a half years, I became a fund-raiser for the Predatory Bird Research Group at the University of Santa Cruz, whose primary focus at the time was returning the peregrine falcon in California.

When I moved to Santa Cruz in 1988, I was amazed. There was so much beautiful organic produce in the natural food stores. There was also this incredible local farmers market every Wednesday with twenty to thirty vendors where the produce was just gorgeous and it was primarily organic. I had never seen an organic farmers market before. I talked to Pop (Paul Newman) about what I was learning, and this became part of the catalyst for my next big realization, which came some four or five years later.

In 1992, while I was living in Santa Cruz and fund-raising, I had a very specific realization that instead of constantly having to raise money for the causes I cared about through traditional fund-raising methods, it would be more fulfilling—and probably easier and more efficient—to just make money for them, the way Pop was doing with Newman’s Own. Pop’s model amounted to creating food products, selling them, and then donating the profits to charity. My epiphany was that I needed to take his idea a step further. If I was going to create food products, their impact on the planet had to be gentle. So I wanted to grow things organically. This was a twofold approach to effecting change: I could support Pop’s philanthropic ideals, paying royalties to Newman’s Own, and also expand the amount of land farmed organically.

This epiphany was really the philosophy behind the beginning of Newman’s Own Organics in 1993. I did have to convince Pop on the importance of doing an organic line, though. He didn’t really have a good idea about what organic was. He didn’t realize that organic was not just a form of hippie food but was a grow- ing practice and carefully thought-out method of agriculture. By being organic, with every product you add to your product line, you fold in more ingredients that have to be grown organically. This expands the acreage of farmland that’s treated right, which has a real ripple effect benefiting the farmer, the environment, the wildlife, and the atmosphere. It even sequesters carbon in the soil, so it helps to reduce greenhouse gas. Organic farming really is a multifaceted approach to affecting environmental change, so it’s been very gratifying to know that as we grow as a company, a lot of money gets donated to causes and people, and it has a posi- tive impact on the environment.

So it all started with the birds, who taught me how we affect the environment. They led me here, to my organic food company, where I’m still trying to affect our environment! For me, one of the most important things anybody can do is to work in your area of expertise to succeed, so you can then afford to return something to the community.

My two epiphanies taught me to follow my passion, and that’s what’s been the most gratifying for me. Passion gives you the ability to truly experience the good times and get through the tough times because what you’re working toward is so important to you.

(To read more about Nell, her companies and bio, and the experience of my interview with her, please go here.

“We’re living like we have another planet to go to.”~ Annie Leonard

My greatest epiphany is probably not as spiritual or dramatic as a lot of people’s. It happened at a dump.

I grew up in the Pacific Northwest in a very environmentally aware family. We had a sense of reverence for nature, especially the trees and forests. I was raised by a single mom with three kids, so money was tight. We never had a sense of deprivation, but we felt a deep appreciation and respect for the things we had. We always did things like mend our own shoes and try to minimize waste. I think my family is where a lot of the passion and drive for my work comes from.

I ended up going to college in New York City on the Upper West Side. My dorm was on 110th Street, and I would walk six blocks every day to class. That’s when I’d see these shoulder-high piles of garbage, every morning. I had never seen that kind of waste, ever! I was curious about it. I started poking around to see what was in it. And I was just flabbergasted to see that it was almost all paper! I thought back immediately to my beloved for- est in the Northwest, and thought, “My God, what is going on here?” Then when I would walk home every day, and seeing that the garbage was gone, I thought, “Where is all that stuff going?” That’s what piqued my interest in how materials move around the economy.

I became an environmental studies major. I wanted to protect the forests. During my sophomore year for one of my classes we took a field trip to the Fresh Kills landfill on Staten Island—the dump where New York City’s garbage went. And this was the defining moment of my life.

I don’t even know how to explain it really, this gigantic land- fill. There was garbage that went on and on as far as I could see in every single direction—it was just mammoth. Many people say it’s the highest point on the Eastern Seaboard, and it’s one of the only two man-made structures you can see from space. The other one is the Great Wall of China. It is absolute waste and devastation in every direction.

As I stood there looking out at all this stuff, a realization like a bolt of lightning hit me: our entire economy is based on an unsustainable one-way flow of materials to garbage. The extreme unsustainability of it, the grossness of trashing all of these incredible resources that the earth provides, was just stunning to me. We’re living like we have another planet to go to, but— hello!—we only have one. And the fact that it was so hidden was shocking. I was witnessing this gigantic scene of violence that nobody was talking about.

Right then and there, my whole life changed. From that moment on, I became obsessed with figuring out how this is hap- pening, how it came to be, and why nobody is talking about it. There’s this huge dark secret in the way we’ve organized our society, and if we don’t deal with it, it’s going be our demise. I realized that we have a major societal blind spot regarding waste. We haul our big bin out to the curb every week and it just disappears, so we never have to think about it. I wanted to run through the streets and tell people…

And she did…to read more about Annie and my experience of my interview with her (and the serendipity of how I got to interview her) AND to see her amazing The Story of Stuff that brought millions of people’s attention (including mine) to her, please go here.

And of course, these interviews in their entireties can be found in my book!

Happy Earth Day, Everyone!

Posted in Aha moments, Epiphany Channel Project Related, Epiphany Stories, Insights, Pop Culture, The Book - Epiphany | Leave a comment

Class Notes on Oprah’s LifeClass with Deepak Chopra (w/ video!)

Earlier this month, I was graciously invited to attend Oprah Winfrey’s LifeClass taping with Deepak Chopra at Radio City Music Hall in New York City. Since it’s a Life-Class, I decided to take LifeClass Notes. Those notes are below. (Yes, I was one of those girls whose notes you borrowed in high school and college). The video above is at the very end of the show when Oprah gave us her closing address. I don’t know if this will be in the final show on OWN, but thought it might be fun for you to see what it felt like for us listening in the audience. (They wanted us to take photos and video to Tweet and Share, so feel free to share away!) The show’s first airing is on Monday, April 23, on OWN at 8/7c so you can tune in yourself, see the show, and take your own “class notes!”

Here are my thoughts and notes about the epiphanies witnessed and the revelations that were sparked for me in the process.

LifeClass Journal & Notes
(
April 2, 2012, Radio City Music Hall, New York City)

My friend and colleague, Eric Handler of Positively Positive, invited me to attend LifeClass and I had the opportunity to meet and sit with the magnanimous fellow blogger, Jennifer Pastiloff. I’ve been an admirer of Jen’s work through Positively Positive, so it was a blast to finally meet her in person and experience this event with her. It was like some kind of huge love fest of learning and, of course — Oprah! It reminded me of going to a concert of a beloved band except it was rather early in the morning and everyone was sober (I think), and instead of coming to celebrate and rock out to music, we were all there to celebrate learning and growth – Rockin’ Out, Oprah-style!

Deepak Chopra was the guest star of the show and as you may or may not know, Deepak is in my book so I have had the opportunity to interview him. One of the things I love about Deepak is that he is a man that minces not a word. Not one. He is straight to the point and gives no excess. He is so not into any b.s., and really does seem to walk his talk.

During the show Perez Hilton, the notorious celebrity blogger, was one of the guests. I had read that Perez had drastically changed his ways and was no longer so ruthlessly mean on his blog (he’s even outed people), but many people had no idea he had changed and were surprised that he was on the show. Some of the audience members questioned him being there. One woman was upset because she felt the only reason he was on was because he was famous, and the only reason he was famous was because of his harsh negativity and mean-spiritedness. She had a point. I felt this was a very interesting conversation to have had, and everyone was straightforward and frank. I don’t feel that Deepak or Oprah let Perez off easy interview-wise, nor did they condemn him. Perez held his own and basically said that some people say you can’t look back and regret, but he didn’t believe that – he did have big regrets of how he acted and treated people in the past.  However, he said he knew he couldn’t change the past and was committed to moving forward in his life much differently and in a much more positive and loving way.

The next guest was a woman who couldn’t get over her fear of something bad happening because her 3 daughters had been in a terrible car accident years before. I had a slight problem with her whole perceived predicament, perhaps because I know people whose children have died or have been killed. It just really threw me that this woman had no gratitude at all that her children were alive and thriving and could only focus on the accident and the fear that something bad may happen again. Has she not met one person who has actually lost their child? How could she not stay in gratitude that her children not only had survived but were doing extremely well in life and focus on that? The accident happened YEARS ago. It’s baffling to me. My feeling is that if she would have stayed in gratitude for her children’s well-being, it would have eventually healed her paralyzing fear. My friends felt differently though. They understood her not being able to overcome her fear, and we all agreed that she is a great example of someone being SUPER stuck in life because they won’t let go of their story. In fact, Oprah and Deepak worked with her, and they had her family there weighing in. Obviously, this woman was ready to move on and eventually we all watched her have – yes, you knew I had to say it – an epiphany! (Or as Perez puts it, an “aha orgasm!” – see below.)

We all have done and/or still do this to one degree or another: We hang on to our stories whether they serve us or not. I have a few notes from the discussion about the stories we tell ourselves that I have found extremely valuable. Since attending this “class,” I’ve been catching myself when I am creating or hanging on to a story that is causing me stress or pain. Most of the time, if we really look at these kinds of stories, they aren’t necessarily true or they’re from the past so they’re irrelevant now. Just realizing that I create and have stories that I don’t have to buy into any more is working wonders in my life. But just as we can let go of our stories that don’t serve us any longer, we can always hold on to and use the good, positive stories of our lives to inspire us and give us hope and renewed energy – like our epiphany stories.

Now my notes get note-taking-ish, so be forewarned. I’ve divided them into: Quotes (as you probably know if you’ve read Epiphany and poked around enough, quotes are some of my very favorite things) and Exercises. 

14 QUOTES FROM OPRAH’S LIFECLASS

- “We are Spiritual Beings have a Human Experience. Not the other way around.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

- “You are a soul. You have a body.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

- “The goal is to be the observer of your thoughts and not let your thoughts control you.” ~Deepak Chopra

- “The world is a mirror for us – whatever you say about others is really how you feel about yourself.” ~ Deepak Chopra
 (He said this to Perez Hilton about why he was always ripping others down.)

- “When you judge others, you are judging yourself.” ~ Deepak Chopra

- “My epiphanies are like “aha orgasms!” ~ Perez Hilton (Gotta love it. Oprah did.)

- “If he can’t be redeemed, then neither can I.” ~ Oprah Winfrey (This was said regarding the doubt professed by audience members about Perez Hilton truly changing his ways.)

- “Different people are on different frequencies.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

- “I use memories, but I will not allow memories to use me.”
 ~ Indian proverb via Deepak Chopra

- “You can believe the diagnosis, not the prognosis.” ~ Deepak Chopra, on what he used to tell his patients about healing because he knew we can heal ourselves. (See Epiphany.)

- “Separate the story – your story – from facts.” ~ Deepak Chopra

- “Now is the moment that never ends.” ~ Deepak Chopra

- “The past is gone, the future is not here, now I am free of both. Right now, I choose joy.” ~ Deepak Chopra

- “If you are living a life of love and giving and receiving the best you know how – you are living a spiritual life.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

4 EXERCISES FROM LIFECLASS BY DEEPAK CHOPRA

1.) “When you’re feeling upset or out of control of your thoughts, STOP (as in S.T.O.P.).” 

S – Stop

T – Take 3 Deep Breaths and Smile Everywhere in Your Body

O – Observe How Your Body Feels

P – Proceed with Kindness and Compassion

2.) Our Ego Profile is our Bio: Our Roles/ Accomplishments/ How We Think World Views Us. Deepak asks us to create our Soul Profile by asking ourselves the following 7 questions:

1. Who am I? (not your roles in life, but who you truly are.)


2. What do I want? 

3. What’s my purpose in this life? 

4. What sort of contribution do I want to make? 

5. What are my unique skills? 

6. Who are my heroes? 

7. What is a meaningful relationship—what do I expect from one, and what do I give? 

(Oprah said it took her 2 days to answer those questions when she went to India to study with Deepak – especially the first 2.)

3.) When making a decision, always ask yourself, “Will it make me happy and will it make others happy as well?”

4.) Write out your story or any story you want to happen from now to next 5 years. Where are you or what is the story in 5 years?

I’ve discovered and teach and talk about that in my work as well. The exercise of writing our stories, any stories – our wildest dreams and hoped for stories, our past stories, our epiphany stories – can have amazing results.

If you watch the video at the top of this article, you’ll experience how the uplifting event closed and if you want to go see more photos and fun from LifeClass, you can go check out my Photo Album HERE, and you can also go see Positively Positive Co-Founder, Eric Handler’s blogs about being on the road with with Oprah’s LifeClass Tour HERE.

So those are my “Class Notes!” I had forgotten some of these details until I re-read my notes. It’s reminded me of how valuable taking notes can be wherever you are — whether as a member of a LifeClass audience, while reading a book, listening to a friend, or in any “class” life tends to offer — and how fun it can be to share and compare your notes with others.

Please always feel free to “compare notes” with me, and if you’d like to study epiphanies in-depth and learn how to cultivate and utilize them as a constant tool in your life, you can join me in my online EPIPHANY! workshop beginning in May. The sessions are downloadable and always available beginning the day after the class and there are pay-what-you-can and scholarships options, so anyone who wants to learn can join us! Click here to learn more.

This article is also on Psychology Today. You can go HERE to check out more of my articles there.

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Epiphany: Only Love

“The whole reason we are here is to love.

The struggle is optional.

There is no need to hate, or deceive, or have our way,
or be right, or to pontificate.

All we need to do is love.”

~Amy Sandberg

 

 

My partner and I had spent two days arguing. It was the same tired argument about the same tired topic:

“Why do his adult children treat me so poorly; Why do they at times treat him so poorly, for that matter?”

We’d argued ourselves to the brink of exhaustion. It was 2am. I stood there next to our bed and could see my body leaving through the door. I could also see my body answering his plea to “please come back to bed.” Finally, I capitulated and crawled back under the covers.

He held me in his arms even though I didn’t deserve to be held after all the angry words I’d spoken.But he held me anyway, and I began to sense the real source of my pain, and began to cry.  ”My life has no value,” I sobbed. And his reply, that I also didn’t deserve? “Your love has value to me.”

This assurance triggered synaptic fireworks. My yoga instructor, Jeanette, had recently suggested I a list make of what makes my heart sing. “Loving” was at the top of my list. I remembered joking at the time, “I don’t think I can make much money at that!”

My partner continued to hold me, and stroke me. “Just let go,” he said soothingly. But I continued to heave as my mind danced and swerved around rapid-fire thoughts and memories, coming at me like meteors. Then, one of those meteors was closing in on me like a white orb spinning and shining as if it encased something radioactive. As it approached my heart, the orb broke open and filled my entire body with a bright light. I tried describing this to my partner as it occurred. He held me a little tighter, as if to protect me from my own thoughts and experience.  The light, the answer, was this:

“The whole reason you are here is to love. Your struggle is optional.”  

With this, my breathing slowed. Love is the answer…? …Love is the answer!

“Duh?” you say? Yes, well I would have said “duh” too before all this took place. Like the Hallmark card, The Beatles, and the Bible’s Corinthians have instructed us: “All you need is love.” Duh. But while I’d given lip service to “Love is the answer” my whole life, I’d never internalized the message. I’d never understood the value of loving, or the fact that it sources everything else.

As I calmed down, I thought to myself, “Maybe I should add honesty to the mix, along with love.”And then I thought, “No. If I only love, honesty will take care of itself.”
Then came the thought, “I should add letting go, or non-attachment as Buddha would say.” Then, “No. If I only love, letting go will take care of itself.”

Like never before, I understood that love is primary, everything else secondary.

If I “only love” — if that is what I truly do, and who I truly am — then everything else will take care of itself.

I don’t need to struggle.
I don’t need to hate, or deceive, or have my way, or be right, or pontificate.
All I need to do is love.

~Amy Sandberg
Solana Beach, CA

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